Don’t Send Save-the-Dates Too Early

Recently while browsing the web, I found this great article written by Talley Sue Hohlfeld, Etiquette Expert on The Bride’s Guide Blog. I would love to hear your thoughts on this post.

A reader recently asked us how soon she should send her save-the-dates for her October 2010 wedding. The standard answer to that question is “six months ahead,” so, May 2010. But I’ve been seeing an alarming trend with problems that brides and grooms encounter with the save-the-dates that I think is directly tied to how early they are sent.

A couple of readers have sent them to a large group of people—and then discovered that they needed to cut their guest list. (Yes, that would be rude, in case you are wondering.)

Another reader sent them to all the members of a group she belonged to—and a couple of people left the group and now she doesn’t know them well.

And one reader sent them to her friend’s sweetheart, since he’d be invited along with the friend—and they broke up.

Other readers have sent them to relatives who responded that they weren’t going to be able to attend—and then the couple is left wondering if they should send an invitation after all, and worrying that if they do, it’ll look like a gift grab. (Yes, they should send the invite anyway, in case you are wondering.)

There are lots of solutions:


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-Don’t send them at all (they’re not required, and families have been alerting one another to upcoming weddings by normal and noncommittal means for years)

-Don’t send them to everyone (but this may unnecessarily hurt the feelings of people who don’t get them but are accurately expecting a wedding invitation)

-Don’t send them until you are completely and totally committed to your guest list—its makeup and its size (though this may mean you send them later than the outside recommendation)

What do you think about save-the-dates? Are you going to send them? And what’s your plan for avoiding guest-list drama?